Big Fat Freaky Farting Chocobo
by Moi -D
Summary: BAD MUSE!! BAD! You made me write the most TWISTED fic in my fic history. If you like fat chocobos, then come right in and read this fic!! let the ZANINESS TAKE OVER!


El Chocobo Gorda  
  
By Moi ô¿ô  
  
In Costa Del Sol, in Cloud's Cono, Cid has a nutty plan for his 4th aneversary..............  
Vincent: Must you?  
Cid: Why not??!  
Vincent: Maybe because.....ITS INSANE!!!  
Cid: Its not insane to do that! Its too easy in fact.  
Cloud: I'm not going with you, its too dangerous.  
Cid: Emerald Weapon? Dangerous? Bah!  
Nanaki: He's nuts, need I say more?  
Cid: I'm gonna give Shera the Earth Harp for our aniversary, she'll love it.  
Marlene looks up at Cid.  
Marlene: You ARE batty! Thats what daddy told me! Yep!  
Cid looks at Barret threateningly.  
Barret: Heh heh heh ummm I gotta go ummmm visit my uncle in umm Cactaur Island bye!!   
Cid exits Cloud's condo and drags Yuffie with him.  
Yuffie: Hey! I was framed!! It was Tifa! She took it when you weren't looking!!!!!!  
Cid: Its not about that!  
Yuffie: Oh......Here, I found this outside....  
Yuffie hands Cid his Hades materia.  
Cid: Anyways, I need you to help me.  
Yuffie: With what?  
Cid: I need you to help me kill Emerald Weapon and get the Earth Harp.  
Yuffie breaks into histerical laughter.  
Yuffie: HAHAHAHAHa!!! Thats good Cid! Nyuk nyuk nyuk. What did you really want?  
Cid looks blank.  
Yuffie: Da Chao help me! You're serious!!!!!  
Cid: You'll do it then!?  
Yuffie: I didn't say-  
Cid: Good!! Meet me at the dock at 3:00 PM.  
Yuffie: Why did I go with them back at Junon? Why!?!  
Later.........  
Cloud: Emmy'll slaughter him..........Tifa, say something!  
Tifa: I'll call the mortitian!  
Aeris: I'll pick out the casket!  
At 3 PM..........  
Yuffie: Ohboyohboy...Ummmm   
Cid: Right on time! Now, did you take Cloud and the rests' materia?  
Yuffie: I did........Come on Cid, this is NUTS!! This is not the way I want to be remembered!!  
Just then, Sephiroth jumps off the submarine, and a chocobo promptly poops on his boot.  
Sephiroth: Now, you must-ack!!!  
Cid: Make a break for it!!!  
The chocobo stands there continuing to poop on Sephiroth.  
Seph: AHHHH!!! This isn't right!  
Cid and Yuffie run into the sub, which dives, leaving Seph still getting pooped on.  
Yuffie: Hey isn't that Emmy overthere?  
Cid: Let's go!!!!  
Yuffie: I gotta learn to close my huge mouth!  
The sub charges at Emmy, hits, and Emerald Weapon disintergrates.  
Cid:What the @#%$@!??!?!?  
Yuffie: One episode! I'd like ONE episode where he doesn't curse!!!  
Cid: @#@$#@$!!!!  
Yuffie: Thats it!!!!  
Yuffie attacks Cid, and the submarine spins around REALLY fast.  
Meanwhile Seph gets out of the pile of poop, and is hit by the spinning sub.  
Seph: Why me?  
The town of Costa Del Sol is leveled by the spinning catastrophe, and Cloud, Tifa and Aeris are dazed.  
Cloud: Owwwww......wheres my teddy?  
Tifa: I didn't do it ma! Honest!!  
Aeris: Easy squeezy lemon peezie!  
Cid: ........Shera, don't hit me so hard!  
Yuffie: Wake up you lazy repair man!!!!!  
Yuffie slapps Cid.  
Cid: Did we win???  
Yuffie: Yeah, like heck! Heres your Earth Harp! I already killed Emmy, that was just a prop to  
scare away poop bent chocoboes.  
Cid: Eewww whats that smell?  
Seph: Don't say anything!  
A band of pooping chocoboes poop on Seph.  
Seph: Uuuughghghgh! This shouldn't be legal!!  
Cloud: Acctually, its not. Its breaking city code # 162783527845237856723564783657364785637845678635784367856423786578436578364785643786578346785364785637846578346578346578436578236478658723465892136457823618765489012374657812364587136457801340851308476508714365081743577812584761780365478051354780134078084378783465083764528076089275486038596028593468495685496854976895475468543678436785478.9, "Any chocoboes that poop on people must......"its scribbled out, and the new writing says " Must continue until the cows come home."  
Tifa: Lets go find the cows!!  
Vincent: Why would you want to do that???  
Tifa: So we can kill them, and they can't come home, Heheheheh.  
Yuffie: For this Cid, I will seek revenge!!!  
To be continued.....................  
__________________________________________________________________________  
  
Cloud: Are they done yet?  
Aeris: Not yet, I think Tifa gave them some pure bran, they'll be going off for another hour or so.  
Tifa: I only gave them a pint each!  
Yuffie: Must stay vigilant!  
Nanaki: Is she done yelling yet?!?! She's been up on the roof for 5 hours looking for Cid, and its 3 in the morning!!!!!!! And Vincent is sleepwalking from having distrupted sleep!  
Vincent: Won't....stop...YELLING!!! Must.....stop.....evil....JELLO!!!  
Yuffie: CID!! Oh, wait, its just a Flower prong.  
Even the Turks have been caught in the Yuffie/Cid saga.  
Reno: I think I can get a clear shot at her if I stand on a rock.  
Elena: Good, she's keeping me from getting my beauty sleep! I can't do my hair when I've been tossing and turning all night! Of course Rude wouldn't have that problem.  
Rude: Shut up!  
Reno: Where's Tseng?! He was supposed to bring the napalm!  
Tseng: AHHHHH!!!! Stop it you stupid chocobos!!! Haven't you pooped enough?!?!  
Back at the condo......  
Sephiroth: Waaaaaaaa!! ??? It stopped!!! (Now I can warn them!!)  
Tifa: Oh poo poo, now I have to buy more bran!  
Seph: NOOO! Stop! I have to warn you of something terrible!  
Yuffie jumps down from the roof and Nanaki cries out of joy.  
Yuffie: From what I remember, you were going to kill me and Cid!  
Seph: No, this is what happened.  
Ripple dissolve to past.....  
At 3 PM..........  
Yuffie: Ohboyohboy...Ummmm   
Cid: Right on time! Now, did you take Cloud and the rests' materia?  
Yuffie: I did........Come on Cid, this is NUTS!! This is not the way I want to be remembered!!  
Just then, Sephiroth jumps off the submarine, and a chocobo promptly poops on his boot.  
Sephiroth: Now, you must-ack!!!  
Cid: Make a break for it!!!  
The chocobo stands there continuing to poop on Sephiroth.  
Seph: AHHHH!!! This isn't right!  
Cid and Yuffie run into the sub, which dives, leaving Seph still getting pooped on.  
Ripple dissolve to present.........  
Yuffie: Say that again.  
Cloud: Hey! You took our materia!!!  
Yuffie: Uhhhhh.....Oops? I---am----sorry-ack!! Must wash out mouth with soap!!!!!!!  
Ripple dissolve to past.....  
At 3 PM..........  
Yuffie: Ohboyohboy...Ummmm   
Cid: Right on time! Now, did you take Cloud and the rests' materia?  
Yuffie: I did........Come on Cid, this is NUTS!! This is not the way I want to be remembered!!  
Just then, Sephiroth jumps off the submarine, and a chocobo promptly poops on his boot.  
Sephiroth: Now, you must-ack!!!  
Cid: Make a break for it!!!  
The chocobo stands there continuing to poop on Sephiroth.  
Seph: AHHHH!!! This isn't right!  
Cid and Yuffie run into the sub, which dives, leaving Seph still getting pooped on.  
Ripple dissolve to present.........  
Yuffie: So?  
Seph: I was going to say.............Now, you must run! There is a fat chocobo heading this way! And its gonna fart on everything!!!  
Yuffie: Ohhhhhhhh!  
Tifa: Sorry for the bran thing, no hard feelings? Here, you can use the shower in the condo.  
Aeris, while in the shower (the same one that Seph is going to)........  
Aeris (singing): She's livin' la vida loca!  
Seph: (What's that? It sounds like a frog being bodyslammed by a hampster!)  
Aeris: Ewww whats that smell?   
Seph, runs into the bathroom, and Aeris is clearly visible.  
Seph: I DON'T STINK!!!!!!  
Aeris: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Seph is deafened.  
Seph: Say that again!  
Aeris: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Satisfied?  
Outside............  
Cid: I can't go back....... Yuffie'll have my head!  
Yuffie: Thats right!  
Cid: How'd you find me?!?!?  
Yuffie: You're the only person that leaves shoe prints that say "Moon or Bust"  
Cid: @#%$@#!!!  
Cid runs and Yuffie jumps on him, and beats him with a baka stick.  
Cid: AHHHHH!!!  
The chocobo that Seph was talking about farts on Yuffie and Cid.  
Yuffie: Hee hee hee, thi..............  
Cid:.................  
Will Cid and Yuffie survive? And will the newly rebuilt Costa Del Sol and the rest of the gang be farted on!?!?  
To be continued............  
___________________________________________________________________________  
  
Cloud: What stinks?  
Seph: Its not me! I took a shower!  
Aeris: WAAAAAAA!!!!  
Seph: Will you shut up already?  
Aeirs: Its not about the shower incident!!  
Seph: Then what?  
Aeris: WAAAAAAA!!!!! I'm playing Final Fantasy VIII, and Squall and Rinoa just kissed! Its so romantic!  
Tifa: I wish Cloud was that cute!  
Aeris: Yeah.......umm I mean that is .....uhhhhh  
Tifa: YOU STILL LIKE CLOUD!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW IT!!!!!!  
Seph: Is Tifa always this nuts?  
Cloud: Oy! You should see what happened when she died, and i forgot to buy a Pheonix Down for 5 days...well that got ugly.  
Tifa cuts off Aeris's hair.  
Aeris: AHHH!! Look what you've gone and done you fake chested hooker!  
Tifa: They're not FAKE!!!!!!!  
Seph: Are they fake?  
Cloud: Sillicon city!  
Tifa turns on Cloud.  
Tifa: DIE!!!!!!  
Suddenly Tifa keels over.....  
Seph: The fat chocobo's here!!  
Aeris: I can't let it see me like this!!  
Aeris puts on an extrordinarily visible toupé, making her look drop dead ugly.  
Meanwhile, the Turks are still behind a bush.  
Elena: AHHH! Shoot it! Its a fat chocobo!  
Reno: I can't! I used my last bullet on the girl in that hideous wig!!  
Cloud: We're doomed!  
Seph climbs up a tree, and does his famous drop impalement on the chocobo.  
Seph: AHH! I may have killed us all!  
The chocobo explodes, and poo gas spreads around, killing everybody.  
3 days later, Barret returns, and revives everybody.  
Tifa: DIE CLOUD!!!!!  
Seph holds up a camera.  
Seph: Smile Tifa!  
Tifa smiles, and gets petrified.  
Cloud: Thanks Seph!  
Seph: 'Twas nothin! I just replaced the flash bulb with a basilisk claw!  
Yuffie: Hey lemmie see that!  
Yuffie takes everybodys' picture, takes all their materia, and rules the world till she gets bored.  
Cait Sith: AND WHERE WAS I DURING ALL THIS!?!??!?  
Moi ô¿ô: Quiet you! You were in the last one!  
Cait Sith: Yuffie fried me.  
Moi ô¿ô: So? If its 1 scene cameos you've been reduced to, then so be it.  
Cait Sith: AGGHGH!!  
Moi ô¿ô: Oh go polish your megaphone.  
The End ô¿ô  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
